Over the past few days, the news cycle in India has been dominated by the word unparliamentary, and words which are unparliamentary. The cause? A booklet of ‘unparliamentary’ words recently released by the Lok Sabha secretariat, compiling the phrases and terms which will not be tolerated if uttered in the esteemed Houses of Parliament.
Put simply, if such words or phrases are used by the members during debates and discussions, they will be expunged from the record of the proceedings. The current list of such offensive words goes beyond the conventional insults that you mutter under your breath when your boss gives you work on a Friday evening. It includes seemingly innocuous terms, such as, ‘corrupt’, ‘drama’, ‘betrayal’ and so on.
This move has expectedly infuriated the Opposition politicians and many of them have criticized this booklet, apparently oblivious to the fact that such compilations have existed for many years. In fact, the practice of discouraging Parliamentarians from hurling jibes at each other is not unique to India. Numerous countries have long-standing rules and standards which are intended to restrict the use of unparliamentary words by lawmakers. Reference to words being deemed unparliamentary can be found in the records of the UK House of Commons, dating as far back as the seventeenth century when offended members would often resort to duelling.
This newsletter will not examine the constitutional validity or the political expediency of adjudging certain words to be ‘unparliamentary’. Instead, I want to focus on an aspect of this matter that has, in my view, been woefully under-reported and needs urgent redressal. There is a treasure trove of abuses, barbs and taunts which has been made available for our benefit, and it is our duty to examine it and educate ourselves.
So friends, after conducting a deeply-researched, multi-jurisdictional, journalistic investigation over many1 hours, I present to you the crème de la crème of unparliamentary expressions.
Let us start with India. The controversial booklet of insults (in English and Hindi2) that has been painstakingly collated by the diligent members of the secretariat, is available here. Frankly, the censored English terms are quite bland - other than one which is profoundly enigmatic:
“shorts culture”
According to the booklet, this pernicious phrase was used in the Karnataka Legislative Council in February 2021 but all the other details are shrouded in mystery. What prompted the use of this phrase? Whom was it directed at? What made it unparliamentary? And most importantly, what is “shorts culture”? Presumably, it is not as desirable as “trouser culture” but beyond that, we are left groping in the dark to ascertain its meaning.
The Hindi terms are a little more colourful, have a shade more panache. For instance, there are the following phrases:
“तुम्हारे जैसा नहीं , कांव-कांव करते रहते हो”
“नाली का कीड़ा”
“पूरे विपक्ष के दिमाग में गोबर भर गया है”3
These phrases have an earthy charm and transported me to my Hindi class in school when our teacher would frequently address us using some variation of these very phrases. (We deserved it).
Somewhat disturbingly, the list of Hindi words also includes “लॉलीपॉप”. Again, the booklet provides no context for its inclusion and we can only imagine the sinister ways in which “लॉलीपॉप” may have been used by a parliamentarian to mock their opponent.
If we turn our attention outwards, we come across a few other eye-catching examples of top-grade invective that has graced parliaments in other countries. From Canada, we get:
“Coming into the world by accident” (a classic)
“Blatherskite” (what a delightful word!)
“Fuddle duddle” (which has a story of its own involving Trudeau Sr.)
Hong Kong gives us the salty:
Genealogical quips are often tasteless but this one has undeniable sass.
Trinidad pitches in with the remarkably vivid:
And lest we forget, Parliamentary sniping in the UK has, of course, produced many notable moments as well, with members being referred to as:
“pipsqueak”,
“stoolpigeon”
“slimy”
“ignoramus”
But if I had to pick a winner, a country whose lawmakers have managed to consistently annihilate their opponents with mere words; a country where the parliamentarians have elevated humiliation to an art form, it would be New Zealand. I present two pieces of evidence to buttress this claim. The first:
I mean, this is sheer genius. Calling someone a snail to suggest they are lethargic, is too mainstream, too pedestrian. It may sting but in all likelihood, it will soon be forgotten. Calling someone a tired snail returning home from a funeral is evocative. It stirs your soul. And it makes you pity the person who was at the receiving end of this brutal put-down because this is something that will haunt them for the rest of their lives.
And while this zinger is by all accounts brilliant, it is only good enough to win the silver medal. Gold must go to another:
It is foolhardy to analyse perfection, one should simply admire it. So, I will stop here and wrap it up with some advice: If you ever feel compelled to resort to unparliamentary language, do it like the New Zealanders.
P.S.: Voting for the fiction competition I’ve spoken about earlier (here and here) is closing this weekend. I’m sure you have all voted for my short story already but now you can use your alt/spam accounts to vote again! Have at it then: click here to cast your votes. (Lord knows I need them). Thank you!
Approximately two.
Regrettably, the compilation doesn’t go beyond these two languages. I feel there is a missed opportunity here - state legislatures are bound to have many instances of vibrant language being used, which we would all benefit from knowing.
I have neither the skill nor the finesse to effectively translate these phrases into English, but I’ll take a go at it: the first mocks the addressee as a cawing crow, the second means sewage scum, and the third suggests that the opposition members have manure-filled skulls.
As always humorously to the point.
I admire how you handle mundane yet relevant subjects and weave them light heartedly in a enjoyable read. Great Work
This is hilarious